Thomas Mondel

Way Back Home Thomas Mondel

"In my most vulnerable times, in which I needed the guidance of a loving and caring father the most, I was left alone with my thoughts."The supportive environment I grew up in was lost in an instant, and self-doubt, trust issues and an overwhelming load of guilt took its place instead. And so, I came up with weird justifications on why everything that happened also had to happen and was totally justified, as I clearly deserved it as punishment for my misbehavior and imperfections. I started to put the blame on myself, and soon a new belief system arose from within: A belief system that made me think that I haven't been good enough for my father, and nor for the world, and I probably never would, and that's also why he left me, and why everyone else would do so sooner or later as well. As a result, I became a deceptive man who happily sacrificed his own well-being, and found joy in toying with others, so he could finally feel powerful and in control, unlike the lost and overwhelmed boy he used to be. Ultimately, the inner voice that used to guide me toward the things that I needed for my own happiness grew more and more silent until it eventually died off entirely. WAY BACK HOME documents my journey of reconnecting with this voice.