The Grass Swale: Living With Guilt, Depression, and PTSD

At the age of fifteen Mickey loses his older brother who is killed in a car accident; an accident that took split second timing for two cars to come in contact on a remote highway in rural Iowa. At age twenty he arrives in Vietnam as a US Marine Corp Infantryman. The Grass Swale is a section of foot path in Vietnam that changes the lives of six Marines, including the author, who lives with the mental anguish and nightmares caused by post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Mickey shares his life story with a sense of humor only those who know him can appreciate. I have been told by a professional that you must be present during an event for it to cause PTSD. Call it what you want but events such as the death of my brother and its effect on me will also never go away. In Arnold Palmer's book, A Golfer's Life, he describes an event while at Wake Forest, where his roommate and golf team member was killed in a car accident. He had been invited to go along by his roommate, but declined. He describes that event as a "shadow" in his life. I, for one, understand exactly what he meant. My shadow has been darker, much darker. The fact I was not present when Bucky hit the booby trap does not take the anxiety away; what effect has it had on his life, how could things have been different, what could I have done? It could have been me. Why wasn't it? Did it happen to me in another place or time?